Have Yourself a MattyLuvs Christmas
Let Your *Self-Talk* Be Light
It’s no surprise that’s my favorite Christmas song… Judy and Meet Me In St. Louis... that’s an unbeatable combo right there. Two of my favorites wrapped in a melancholy, sentimental ballad - that’s what I live on; it’s vital nutrients for me. But besides the fact that it deals with Christmas, it really is beside the point here. Well, Judy is always on point.. but you get what I mean. OMG MATTY MOVE ON.
K. Sometimes pressing Enter and starting a new paragraph helps..I know grammatically that should help me set the stage for a new idea that really is the focus of this Baby Jesus-forsaken post..
Ok. Maybe this time…nope.
SO. I’m home, here in Saint Louis, for the holidays. And since I was off in Idaho visiting my pregnant sister last year, it’s such a treat to be back home for the season. And, when I’m home for Christmas (no song-lyric-pun intended), I play my flute in my church orchestra on Christmas Day, and - if they can use me - at the student Catholic center on Washington University’s campus on Christmas Eve, where a friend is the music director. I love playing the flute and I rarely do during my “normal” life in the city. [Don’t worry - I’m working on adding bi-weekly flute time ;)] So, I quite enjoy this orchestral time during the holidays.
Now, I also quite enjoy getting to experience this Catholic Christmas Eve mass. (I mean, I think Mass is a Catholic-specific term but for my viewers that didn’t grow up in the church, forced to attend every Sunday School lesson with no real understanding of anything they’re being taught, I figured I’d explain. ..just me? Cool.) Now, I don’t enjoy said Mass because I’m Catholic. Ha. Quite the opposite. BUT it really is fascinating to experience religions other than your own. I grew up Lutheran - the blonde and blue first-cousin to Catholicism - so it’s not too far off, but still, it’s a different experience. ANYWHO: the priest’s message was about the lack of room at the Inn that night Mary and Joseph came riding in on their donkey, and how he writes a lot of his messages in a nearby hotel as sort of a safe haven..it was connected in a cute way but I don’t remember the anecdote that pieced it all together..(So what the hell is this about, Matty?!) ..I got a little distracted with my own thoughts… ah. Some things don’t change. ;)
So.. basically.. while that sweet priest was priesting - this is NOT an official Catholic term - I had this strange epiphany, if you will. Ya know..we’re so willing and eager to believe something as fantastic as the Christmas nativity story, and yet..when it comes to something as simple as, ohhh, I don’t know..saying, “I’m a fucking rockstar, “ orrr “I can be, do, or have anything,” …suddenly, we’ve passed the point of no-belief. Wow. Now you see why I was no longer paying attention to the actual message. I mean.. I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that I can actually achieve whatever it is I’m thinking about. Lots of affirmations. Lots of feel-good tunes. Lots of talking myself up. I don’t mean to make myself sound completely self-deprecating but it’s hard on these streets! I love to spread smiles and sunshine but I can be as insecure as the next. If there’s something I’ve really been unpacking recently, it’s that we’ve all been programmed to talk so poorly to ourselves - to the point of convincing ourselves we’re not worthy of whatever it is we’re after. Well. I’m here to tell you to cut it out. If you’re gonna sit there, with all that faith in Mary and Jo’s ability to find a place to give birth to lil ole Baby Jesus - then you can muster up some faith in yourself. And it ain’t necessarily easy. But it ain’t necessarily hard either - not nearly as hard as we make it out to be at least. So. Let’s go. If Mary could give birth amongst all that hay and without pain meds to a baby she didn’t even ask for, then BY GOD - pun intended - SO CAN YOU! Well..no hay or unwanted babies - but the will-power part. Ugh. You get it.
So: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. You are so very wonderful and capable of whatever your heart desires; just have a little faith ;)
P.S. Any fun epiphanies you had this season whilst amongst family, friends and loved ones? Tell meeeeee!